Long Distance Hurdling

As his silhouette began to disappear in my rearview mirror, the lump grew in my throat and tears crept to the surface of my eyes. I put my sunglasses on as if to hide, but there was no one to hide from. I was alone in my car, heading back to my now empty apartment. It had finally hit me; I was officially in a long distance relationship.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years and for almost two of those years, we have lived together. For two years, I have been coming home everyday to him. Every night we would have dinner together, curl up on the couch and talk to about our day. When I’m stressed, I always give him a hug and snuggle my face into his chest. It’s my safe place and where I always feel accepted and loved. Sometimes I just end up yelling at him when I’m stressed and upset, but he never takes it personally and always knows how to calm me down.

After being with someone and living with him or her for two years, you find yourself relying on them more than you realize. It’s a strange feeling sitting here in my empty apartment. The television is turned on to a show I’ve never heard of just so it’s not so quiet. This new hurdle in my life has turned into quite a difficult barrier. I’m just glad Skype was invented, that is a long distance relationship savior. Now I’m waiting for that whole teleporting thing.

It will be two weeks before I see my boyfriend again and I know that doesn’t seem like a lot. I have many friends who haven’t seen their significant others for weeks or months, but I’m not comfortable yet with this new hurdle. I’m hoping with time that it will get easier, but I don’t think leaving him after a visit will ever get easy.  I wish I could offer advice to other couples going through this experience, but honestly, I’m hoping for the advice.  The chick-flicks I watch never show how hard a long distance relationship really is and some how it all always works out for those couples.

 

My relationship can be comparable to the movie “Like Crazy.” If you’re not familiar with the movie, here is a quick run down. A British girl falls in love with an American boy well attending college in the United States. Unfortunately, the British girl over stays her visa and in banned from the U.S. A barrier they have no control over separates the couple. Luckily, my boyfriend didn’t overstay his visa, but as a Canadian citizen, his visa did run out. Unlike the movie, there is no ocean separating us, but it’s still a barrier.

We’re both figuring everything out, but while some couples are trying to figure out what city or state they want to live in, we’re trying to decide what country we will live in. While some couples might be thinking about moving in with once another, we have to figure out how we’re going to be able to live with each other again. There are many hurdles presenting themselves to my boyfriend and I, but we’re learning to jump over them and grow as a couple.

Hurdling Depression: Zane's story

He will be 29 on Monday. I never know if I should say will or would. It’s been almost seven years since the last time I heard his voice and saw his flashy, dark blue eyes that resembled mine. His name is Zane or should I say it was his name.

I’m 14 without a care in world except for the big race the next day. It’s the sectional meet tomorrow. I’ll be racing the 4X100m and 100m hurdles, my specialties. My team is set to win.

That night, I folded up my uniform and placed it into my duffle bag beside my lucky underwear and racing spikes. I was nervous already and couldn’t get the image of myself tripping over a hurdle out of my head. I tossed and turned for hours, not knowing what was on his mind. Not knowing that he had come to a hurdle that he was unable to conquer.

Zane was the wild child of my family. He was a daredevil, a clown, and my big brother. He went through some dark periods in his life, but we never knew about all the demons he hid.

As I lay awake that night before my race, Zane was making a decision, one that would change the course of his life forever. I wish he had lost his keys. I wish someone had given him a call and calmed his fears. I wish I were there to tell him to stop.

I woke up, still jittery thinking about my race. My dad’s ragged voice called for me to come down stairs. There was something wrong. Puffy eyes and hands filled with damp tissues greeted me at the bottom of the stairs.

“Zane took his life last night.” My uncle tried to catch my hand before I raced upstairs, but I couldn’t feel a thing. I needed to go back to sleep so I could wake up from this nightmare.

 

I never raced at sectionals that day. My team lost by 2 points and I faced the highest and most terrifying hurdle of my life at 14.

It was real. My big brother committed suicide. I never thought this would ever happen to my family. I went through all the stages of grief: denial, sadness and even anger, but the hardest for me was being able to talk about his death. I was almost ashamed to tell people that he died from suicide.

I was angry with Zane because he took his own life, while others got their life taken away by cancer, heart attacks, and murders. How could you take your life while others fight so hard to keep theirs? It’s been almost seven years since his death and I have come to terms with the fact that Zane was depressed.

Depression is a disease, like any other disease, without help and possible medication, it can be life threatening. Zane never received help. My family didn’t see that he needed help, no one could have seen it. I miss him and every year around this time I picture what he might look like at his new age. Zane is my big brother and on March 11, he will be 29.

For more information on suicide prevention please take a moment to look at the websites below:

http://www.afsp.org/ - American Foundation of Suicide Prevention
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ -Suicide AwarenessVoices of Education

Hurdling for Change

Recently, I attended a lecture on campus where Lilly Ledbetter was the keynote speaker. If you’re not sure who Ledbetter is, here is her life story in a few paragraphs.

Ledbetter grew up in a working class family and she wanted more for herself. In 1979, Ledbetter was hired as a supervisor at the Goodyear Tire Plant in Gadsden, Alabama. In a position mainly occupied by males, Ledbetter faced daily discrimination.

After 19 years working for Goodyear, Ledbetter received an anonymous letter revealing that she had been making thousands less each year than men in her position. When Ledbetter filed a sex discrimination suit, Ledbetter lost her case when the court ruled that she should have filed suit within 180 days of her first unequal paycheck.

            Since then, Ledbetter has been hurdling through Congress, pushing for change and advocating for equality in the workplace. In 2009, Ledbetter’s work paid off when President Obama and Congress passed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. This new act now allows anyone to bring suit against discrimination up to 180 days after any paycheck that shows unequal pay.

            As a female about to enter the workforce, this was an eye opener for me. Inequality in the work force is far from gone and it doesn’t stop at sex, it’s also an issue for minorities. Ledbetter showed us all that anyone, in any position, could truly make a difference.

            This week, the hurdle I want everyone to try and jump is the hurdle that prevents us from making a difference. We may all want change, but we get caught up in life and expect others to do the work for us. Let’s make an effort to push for that change. Write that letter, call up that congressman, vote in the next election and know your surroundings. Learn the issues and understand them.